Twelfth Night
by Earthborne
Summary: Parody of Shakespeare's play. Shipwrecked in Konoha, Prince Naruto goes undercover to prevent war by going under the employment of Lady Sakura as a MAID. So while Sakura pines for Lord Sasuke, he has his eyes on 'Maid Naruko' SasuNaru, who'd have guessed?
1. Toothsome Chicanery

I'm supposed to be finishing chapter 6 of Paperback Novel, but because this particular plot bunny wouldn't stop gnawing at my leg, I finally had to sit down and write enough for a good chapter or so.  
Ahem, this story will be rushed, to get my point across. Just like the original Shakespearean version, I won't go into much detail about how or why some things happen, because I really need to save some brain energy for exams. And yeah, this is intertwined with the idea of Twelfth Night.

Genre: Romance, meaning there will be kissing, hugging, sappy speeches, heartfelt emotions, broken hearts, sexual thoughts, actions (non-explicit of course) and perhaps cuddling. Humor, meaning there will be sarcasm, cynicism, mockery, teasing, taunts (Sasuke: Heh), and humorous situations including top heavy boys (Naruto: OI!)and an extremely twisted love triangle. Slash, meaning there will be boys kissing boys, boys molesting boys, boys shoving boys up against walls and making out with boys, boys sticking their hands down other boys' pants (Naruto: Good grief! Sasuke: I think I like this story already), and boys falling in love with other boys.

Now, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twelfth Night or Naruto, the respective masterpieces of William Shakespeare and Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

Waking up with a throbbing headache; soaked to the bone and sore as hell was not on Naruto's list of "Favourite Things to Do in a Strange and Alien Country." Nevertheless the blond hefted himself up from the foamy waters and squinted about.

A few feet away from him, lying face up was another man, apparently unconscious. Scrambling closer to the guy, Naruto picked up a stray stick and began to poke the man with it (he didn't want to touch a dead body). The stranger moaned and clutched his side, tossing over to retch out some of the disgusting seawater. When he finally sat up, he noticed Naruto beside him.

"Do you know where we are?" was the first thing out of the blond's mouth.

"We're in Konoha… who are you?" The man rubbed the spot where Naruto had attacked him with the stick.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto… and you are -?"

"Umino Iruka."

"Oh alright then. Do you know if anyone else survived the shipwreck?" Naruto looked up and down the stretch of beach, as if expecting survivors to suddenly pop up.

"I did see some people grabbing some flotsam and swimming to shore… Wait, did you just say you're Uzumaki Naruto? The prince who ran away?" Naruto nodded sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his head. "Uh, not really… It's just, people kept harassing me about what to do with Konoha, and I just wanted to be alone and wander for a bit, and before you know it, everyone blows it out of proportion and declares me missing. Think I'll just stay here for a bit for everyone to calm down, and then maybe I can talk to this Lord Sasuke personally, without fanfare and all my servants and armies in tow. And besides, I'm sure my councillors can manage the country without me for a while." Naruto beamed.

Iruka paled. "But this country has been after your majesty's for a decade! If Lord Sasuke finds out that your majesty is here– "

"I know! But what the hell can I do about it?" Naruto huffed.

"I have a … friend, in these parts, perhaps we should go there and ask him for help."

"You sure we can trust him?"

"Yes. He wouldn't want war any more than I would."

"Oh, right. Lead on then, Iruka!"

* * *

They arrived in front of a neat little house in a nice neighborhood, Naruto glancing about the town with unabashed interest. Iruka rapped his knuckles smartly on the worn wood of the door, waiting for a response. None came. Iruka knocked again, just the barest hint of irritation and impatience showing through. They were still soaking wet after all, and were garnering some unwanted attention.

"Yo." Said an apathetic, slightly amused voice. It came from above them. They looked up to see a white haired man perched on the thatched roof above them, a violently orange book in his hands. He wore a strange mask that covered half his face. Iruka broke the silence. "You're still reading that book?"

Naruto sat in the living room of one Hatake Kakashi, once captain of the Royal guards, retired early due to circumstances. Kakashi tapped his chin in thought.  
"That is quite a predicament you've got there, your majesty." His voice was slightly muffled by the mask.

"Just call me Naruto, your majesty reminds me of my dad." Naruto made a face.

"Alright then, Naruto. Konoha might be a generally friendly country, but I don't believe you'll be safe here, as you are, after all, the prince of a very desirable land." Kakashi took a gulp of his tea, moving the mask aside for the briefest of moments. "I know of a Lady Sakura, who wishes for a new personal maid. Lately she has become infatuated with Lord Sasuke, ruler of Konoha. I suggest you fulfil that position of maid, to receive information and wait for the right time. To confront him, make peace with him, whatever you wish. Lord Sasuke is in mourning for his family's death right now, and refuses to see anybody, even his own kingdom. I think he's just using it as an excuse to avoid people; he's always been a bit of an anti-social prick." Kakashi admitted. Naruto laughed.

"Dress up as a girl? Aw shucks, do I have to?" The blond prince wrinkled his nose.

"Yes." Both men answered at the same time. Naruto pouted and glared. Iruka tried to reason with him.

"Your hair and eyes are too distinguishing, your highness! If you go about as yourself it is certified that you will be recognized! But if you dress as a girl, no one will even begin to fathom that you would be the prince!"

"Fine! I just hope I don't regret this… Sexy no Jutsu!" A couple of hand seals, puffs of dramatic smoke, and there stood before the two men one of the prettiest, sexiest blonde chick either had ever seen. Iruka inhaled his tea and started to asphyxiate. Kakashi's eye widened to the size of a dinner plate, as thoughts of previous episodes of Icha Icha Paradise began to run through his mind.

It was Kakashi who finally regained his composure, dabbing at the blood streaming down his nose. "So the rumours of the Uzumaki line being able to use the old magic are true then." Naruko grinned, and grabbed an old towel to wrap around her voluptuous body. (Kakashi decided that he would never wash that towel again).

"Yup! I actually invented this one myself. And man, did it give some of the men in the palace nosebleeds! The first time I tried it a few almost died from blood loss!" Iruka was still mouthing wordlessly. "Hey, you okay man?" Naruko waved a hand in front of Iruka, and poked him. The man keeled right over and fainted, a spurt of blood shooting out of his nose.

"Poor guy," Naruko commented, "He must have a lead a really sheltered life." Kakashi nodded.

* * *

Getting employed by Lady Sakura was easier than Naruko thought. All she did was turn up, hand in a fake resume and voila, here she was. Flipping her blonde hair over her shoulders, Naruko stared at the beautiful, breathtaking, heart-stopping angel known to other mundane fools as Lady Sakura.

Oh, with her gorgeous pink hair fluttering in the breeze, her sparkling emerald eyes, her porcelain skin, she was possibly every man's fantasy!  
"Ne, Naruko, do you think Lord Sasuke would ever notice me?" A sigh escaped those pretty pink lips of hers, and Naruko hardly had time to catch what it was she said. She grimaced when it was about Lord Sasuke, _again._ Naruko, however, plastered on a fake cheery smile and replied in her falsetto, "Oh, I'm sure he will, milady! You are too gorgeous a jewel in this kingdom for him to miss!"

Sakura smiled at him. "You do have a way with words, Naruko!" Naruko nearly swooned at the compliment. The Lady sighed again, however. "Sasuke-kun won't even see me now! Just because I tried to glomp him! Shannaro!" Even though Naruko worshipped the ground Sakura walked on, she couldn't help but think that glomping the love of your life then trying to molest him was _not_ a way of gaining his affections.

"Ne, Naruko, why don't you go in my place? I'm sure he'll see you, if he doesn't know at first that you are my maid!" Her eyes glittered at this thought.  
Naruko protested. "But milady! He won't see anyone! If he won't even grace your presence, why should he care for me?"

"It doesn't matter!" She cried illogically, "Just stay at his gates and refuse to leave until he has seen you! Do it for me, Naruko?" She looked at her with those pretty eyes and she agreed without a second thought.

"Lord Sasuke, there is a lady at the gates, who demands an audience with you!" Lee ran up the stairs in an effort to reach his Lord, who sat on his Throne of Darkness. Sasuke arched an eyebrow. "Send her away, I do not care for the attention of imbecilic females."

"I have told her so, in all my youthful vigor! But she, like the desert flower withstanding drought and harsh winds, will not be deterred! Never have I seen such will and beauty in one such as she, even compared to me!" Lee beat his chest in a gorilla like fashion, before posing. Sasuke often wondered why he kept the Green Pest in his household.

"Tell her I am in mourning for my family."

"I have also done that milord, and she claims that she knows of such, and is here to give milord her condolences!" Sasuke was interested now; nobody withstood the over-exuberant Lee for extended periods of time. "Who exactly is she?"

"She is under the employ of Lady Sakura. And she refuses to leave until she has gained an audience!" Sasuke's eyelid twitched as he remembered the rabid pink haired she-wolf. "Fine, I will see her, as long as it's not Lady Sakura. Send her in."  
Lee scurried off.

Naruko walked into the mansion, rather impressed by the grandeur and luxury of the place. But there was something lacking in the house, certain warmth and cosiness that made it a home. Naruko was feeling slightly nauseous after over-exposure to this Lee guy. She followed the hyperactive man with a bowl haircut and putrid green suit, and glanced at the palm of her left hand, where she had written all the keywords for the speech. She hoped that the ink wouldn't run, because her hands were getting sweaty. She smoothed her crimson dress with her right hand and tried not to trip on the long hem.

As they walked over the stairs, Lord Sasuke came into view, seated in his high-backed chair. Naruko at once realized why Sakura was so infatuated with this jerk. He had silky black hair that begged to be touched; dark, penetrating eyes that looked right through you; pale skin and an aura warning everyone that he was dangerous. Of course, everyone loved to play with fire, so even if he gave off really evil vibes, people were drawn to him like the proverbial moths to a flame.

Naruko wondered why she came up with that phrase; she didn't like moths and certainly not being one. Giving herself a mental slap to focus on the task at hand, she steeled her resolve to do anything to make Sakura-chan happy, even if it meant breaking her own heart to do it.

Naruko arrived in front of Lord Sasuke, and gave him a sweeping curtsey, taught to her by her teacher Jiraiya, who thought it was hilarious that Naruto could change himself into a girl, and so taught him lady's etiquette for tricking people. More than a few books of his had been inspired by Naruko.

"What is your name, pray?" Sasuke drawled.

Naruko sighed inwardly; on top of everything else that was perfect about him, he had a killer baritone. "It is Naruko, sire." And gave him another dazzling, if slightly fixed, smile.

"Naruko," he rolled the name off his tongue, tasting it. "What is your business here?"

" I am here to pass on Lady Sakura's messages." Naruko looked at her hands; good, the ink hasn't started running yet.

"If it is the same drivel about her obsession with me, I have heard it, and I am sick of it." Sasuke sniffed and turned his nose in the air. Naruko gritted her teeth and tried to restrain herself from strangling the damn man.

"No sire, simply well wishes and condolences."

"Get on with it then." Sasuke droned, and studied the truly gorgeous blonde. His eyebrows furrowed; something was slightly off. He activated his inherited Sharingan and looked at the blonde bombshell again. What he saw nearly had him toppling from his seat. Smirking with the most smug look he had ever mustered (and that's saying a lot,) he motioned with his hands to shoo the guards away. They trooped out with nary a whisper.

Naruko ground away a few more layers of enamel. This bastard! He should be thanking his lucky stars Sakura-chan decided to give him her affections, and yet here he is, being flip and careless about it! But she controlled herself and took a deep, steadying breath.

"Lady Sakura would like to extend her best wishes and felicity for milord's health, and hopes to make clear her deepest sympathy for your family's passing." Naruko said in her girly tenor, sneaking a look from beneath her long eyelashes at the seemingly impassive lord on his chair.

Sasuke sat with one leg crossed over the other, a fist supporting his head. Lord Sasuke wasn't even listening to what she was saying! Naruko pouted cutely and surreptitiously looked at the key words written on her hands. She didn't see Sasuke's lips twitch and something flash in his dark eyes.

"Lady Sakura would also like to- eep!" Naruko squeaked when Sasuke suddenly appeared in front of her, and taking her hands, he smudged the ink while rubbing slow sensuous circles on her palm with his thumbs.

"Forget Lady Sakura," His baritone purred, "I'd rather have you in my bed."  
Naruko felt her brain imploding.

* * *

Harhar, who doesn't love a zomg-I-take-you-now Don Juan-esque Sasuke? I sure do.  
Now tell me what you think before Naruto gets groped by Hester-the-Molester Sasuke.

Ps. It's going to be some time before I post another chap on this, so bear with me, lovely people.

Cheers!


	2. Verity of the Fantasy

Yeah, I know this isn't NEARLY good enough after such a long wait, but seriously, could you get the motivation to write after your father deleted EVERYTHING you hold dear to your heart? Yes, he deleted my hardrive, which means all my articles; all my written chapters were GONE. And like an idiot I forgot to get a back up drive. So I've more or less lost most of my inspiration and motivation.

Genre: Romance, meaning there will be kissing, hugging, sappy speeches, heartfelt emotions, broken hearts, sexual thoughts, actions (non-explicit of course) and perhaps cuddling. Humor, meaning there will be sarcasm, cynicism, mockery, teasing, taunts (Sasuke: Heh), and humorous situations including top heavy boys (Naruto: OI!)and an extremely twisted love triangle. Slash, meaning there will be boys kissing boys, boys molesting boys, boys shoving boys up against walls and making out with boys, boys sticking their hands down other boys' pants (Naruto: Good grief! Sasuke: I think I like this story already), and boys falling in love with other boys.

Disclaimer: If I'd owned it I'd definitely put more Sasuke x Naruto moments in there.

* * *

_Previously on Twelfth Night:_

_"Lady Sakura would also like to- eep!" Naruko squeaked when Sasuke suddenly appeared in front of her, and taking her hands, he smudged the ink while rubbing slow sensuous circles on her palm with his thumbs.  
"Forget Lady Sakura," His baritone purred, "I'd rather have you in my bed."  
Naruko felt her brain imploding._

* * *

"W-what did you just say?" Naruto shrieked, a few octaves above her normal tenor. She tried to tug her hand away, but he was holding on fast. She tried to muster some concentration to use magic, but the little strokes he applied to her palm was very - distracting. Her knees almost buckled when his right arm hooked around her waist. She'd been taught all types of offence and defence moves, but against this kind of attack, she was quite at Sasuke's mercy. 

"I said I'd rather have you in my bed, Naruko, or perhaps you'd like me to demonstrate instead?" Sasuke whispered huskily.

"B-But I'm a gu- a girl! A lady!" Naruko changed her sentence at the last minute, panicking.

"What does that matter?" Sasuke leaned in closer. She could see his eyes, dark and glittering, something that terrified her and intrigued her at the same time. Caught like a deer in headlights, she saw it coming, but then she _didn't_ see it coming.

"What are you – oomph!"

* * *

It was an hour later that an extremely bedraggled and fatigued Naruko that dragged herself through the Haruno Manor's gates. Ino, a lady of the high courts and Sakura's best friend, gasped when she saw her state. Tenten, another maid in the household, rushed to her side wielding a first aid kit and a worried expression. 

"Naruko!" Ino cried, "What happened to you?" The sunnier blonde raised a hand in tired greeting.

"Nothing. I tripped." What was sad about that statement was that it was true; running and tripping five times in her haste to get away from the strangely over-amorous Lord Sasuke had left her battered and her pride shredded.

The two other women didn't believe her, as expected.

"You'd better tell us right now, Naruko, or I'll have Shikamaru tell me!" Ino threatened. Tenten nodded, "And I'll have Neji tell me!"

Naruko winced; she knew that those two were more than capable of following up on their threat. She'd forgotten that they had 'inside sources' to the Uchiha business. Sighing, she beckoned them closer. The three girls put their heads together as Naruko whispered.

"EEHHHHHH!" Ino and Tenten both screamed, and woke up half the population in Konoha. Naruko slapped both hands over their mouths, but it seemed that Tenten had gone into shock. "Shhhh!" Naruko shhhh'd them, and Ino nodded.

"I don't want anybody to know!" the prince(ss) said in a loud whisper.

"But Lord Sasuke almost tried to deflower you!" Ino replied, with no abashment whatsoever. Tenten had been shaken out of her stupor and had gone to pacify the mob. Naruko turned a red not found in nature and almost gagged at that statement.

"No he didn't!" She yelled, and sagged under the mental strain of the thought.

"But you're the first female – nay, person Lord Sasuke has ever shown interest in!" Tenten supplied unhelpfully, and Ino nodded.

"Psh. He probably seduces heaps of girls and either pays them to shut up or he kills them." Naruko muttered darkly. The platinum blonde and the brunette looked at each other, wondering where the bloody imagery had come from.

* * *

"So why did you do it?" 

Lord Sasuke looked up from a book he was contemplating, to see his advisor Nara Shikamaru leaning against the library doorway. Hyuuga Neji and Rock Lee lounged in the couch perpendicular to his seat. Sasuke didn't even bother to ask how Shikamaru knew; that man practically knows everything anyway.

"Why did I do what?" Sasuke said flippantly. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"You know very well what. Why the sudden interest in that Naruko girl?"

Sasuke shut his book with a little clap. "I can't describe it. There's just something about her… I'm sure you know the feeling well; I hear Lady Ino is quite the stunner." And Sasuke had the rare chance to see Shikamaru blush.

"There's an... oddness about her, Sasuke, I'm sure you've noticed." The lazy genius commented.

"Do you know the secret of the Uchiha line?" Sasuke said suddenly, and Neji's eyes immediately narrowed.

"They can see through old magic, through the channelling of their own life forces through their eyes." The white-eyed man recited.

"Yes," Sasuke continued, "and it so happens that Naruko was using old magic."

"To do what? Make her breasts larger?" Neji snarked.

Sasuke smirked, "Never thought you'd notice, Neji. Been checking her out?" Neji rolled his white eyes.

"NEVER!" Lee yelled, "Neji wouldn't dream of being unfaithful to Tenten!"

"Thank you Lee, that was unnecessary." Sasuke intoned. Lee took it as a compliment and grinned from ear to ear.

"No, Naruko was using it to hide her identity."

This brought all the men's attention to full alert. "How do you mean?" Shikamaru said carefully. Sasuke looked like the cat that ate 50 canaries and a gallon of cream.

"Naruko isn't what she, or should I say, _he_ claims to be."

The silence was so thick you could cut it with toast.

And again Sasuke was graced with the stupefied faces of Shikamaru, Neji and Lee, with the green-suited man twitching in denial.

"N-Naruko-chan is a GIRL!" Lee screamed, clutching at his heart as his spandex rubbed against each other with squeaky sounds.

"Naruko is a guy." Sasuke said ruthlessly, as Lee toppled over and fainted. "In fact, not only is he a guy, he's also a prince."

Silence reigned once more.

"You don't mean he's the prince of – " Neji started.

"Yes he is, and apparently he was pronounced missing a week ago." Sasuke finished for him. "I wonder what he's doing here?" Sasuke mused to himself. "And after so long?" The last part was whispered to himself, no one else heard it.

Lee was slapped awake by Shikamaru, while Neji muttered in the corner about Korean dramas, clichés and transvestites. Sasuke tugged something off his finger and threw it towards Lee, who caught it out of the air with lightning reflex.

"Take this to Naruko. I desire to see her- him, again." Sasuke started chuckling to himself about his own mistake. The other men stared at each other. Lord Sasuke laughing was tantamount to that of old pervert Kakashi giving up porn and going to live in celibacy as a monk.  
The shock was broken, however, when Lee opened his fist to show what was hiding inside. The Uchiha crest ring, an heirloom passed down from generation to generation, given to a prince on his coronation. Shikamaru's eyes widened.

"You're serious?!" He asked, staring at the simple, yet very symbolic ring.

Without so much as a blink or a hitch in his voice, Sasuke deadpanned, "Yes."

Neji questioned his lord's sanity.  
Lee wondered how he was going to deliver the ring.  
Shikamaru asked himself how much trouble this was going to be and what the hell had he done to deserve it.

However, the question dominating all of their minds was: Lord Sasuke is gay?

* * *

Meh, if you're still reading, care to leave a review? Hah, this is turning out to be such a feel-good, cheap thrills story. Don't worry if you don't get the part about Korean dramas. And sorry about the screwy formatting, quickedit or whatever is being weird again. 

The next chap will probably be out soon, actually. I have it written down in my notepad (in longhand too; my hands are cramping), and I just need to type it up and reorganize it.


	3. Portentous Confrere

Yeah! Another update in less than three days! Ladies and Gentlemen, wipe away your tears and mark this down on your calendars as a true historic moment. I am procrastinating so badly right now it's not even funny. Mid year exams are LOOMING like Gai's teeth and soon I shall be overwhelmed. --"

But I promised you people and gave you hope, so… here it is.

Genre: Romance, meaning there will be kissing, hugging, sappy speeches, heartfelt emotions, broken hearts, sexual thoughts, actions (non-explicit of course) and perhaps cuddling. Humor, meaning there will be sarcasm, cynicism, mockery, teasing, taunts (Sasuke: Heh), and humorous situations including top heavy boys (Naruto: OI!)and an extremely twisted love triangle. Slash, meaning there will be boys kissing boys, boys molesting boys, boys shoving boys up against walls and making out with boys, boys sticking their hands down other boys' pants (Naruto: Good grief! Sasuke: I think I like this story already), and boys falling in love with other boys.

Disclaimer: I'm just using Naruto and company for my own cheap thrills.

Enjoy, lovely people.

* * *

It was a peaceful morning in the Haruno household. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and Naruko, shameless cross dresser in disguise was just getting out of bed after casting the spell (she took the spell off before bed; her back got sore from toting the wonder twins around all day). She yawned, perhaps a tad inelegantly, but at least she held a hand to her mouth. Her pink little tongue darted out and she licked her lips, blinking blearily. 

Maybe she should have gotten her first warning when she found out that the bird 'singing' outside her window had been a vulture. But she dismissed the morbid thought, and began her day.

A green flash was seen sprinting through the early streets of Konoha. People threw themselves out of the way.

Naruko took a shower first, scrubbing her _fiiiine_ body with a brush, and washing her butter yellow hair, the type of which caused poets to liken it to 'spun sunshine, woven sunbeams' and all that crap. She brushed her teeth and washed her face, still half asleep. A murder of crows flew by her window.

Carts overturned and people went sailing through the air as the green, aerodynamic blur flew by.

Naruko stared at her selection of dresses, all of which were well made and not too girly or frilly, for which Naruko was very thankful for. Her dignity as 'Naruto' had been shattered enough, there was no need to add insult to injury. She picked a deep shimmering gold one, liking the way it caught the sun's rays. She slipped it on with little difficulty. A black cat snuck its way into her room; she kicked it out later.

Stepping down the hallway, she went into the maids' room for breakfast. Her fourth sign was her teacup cracking, but she shrugged it off and poured another cup. She sipped it groggily and munched on her toast.

The green beast stopped at the mansion's guests for a split second to state his business before he rushed through like a hurricane.

Naruko had been just about to step out and fetch some flowers for the dining room when IT struck. All she could see at first were impressive teeth, shining hair, large eyes and _black caterpillars._

"Maid Naruko!" Rock Lee (never would have guessed) shouted as he saluted, chest high and proud. Naruko felt a slight shiver run up her spine. She barely remembered to curtsey. When she looked up she found Lee scrutinising her very, very intently. She couldn't help but shrink back.

_She looks like a girl to me._ Lee thought, but he wasn't about to go against Sasuke.

"Uh, Yes?" Naruko asked, wondering why Sasuke's henchmen – er, messenger would be addressing her. _Maybe he wants to ask where Sakura is?_ She thought, wrinkling her nose.

"I have been sent by milord Sasuke, great and honourable ruler of the beautiful land of Konoha, to deliver something to you!"

"To… me?" Naruko asked incredulously, pointing to herself. Lee nodded so fast his hair _almost _moved.

"Yes indeed, milad- erm, Naruko!" Lee affirmed. Naruko crossed her arms.

"And what would that hubristic bastard want with me?" Naruko questioned, prepared for anything, even a bomb or something. The vulture cawed in the distance.

Lee thrust something in front of Naruko's nose. She had to take a step back so she could focus. It was… a ring. Her eyes bugged out of her head.

It was a simple ring, black, with the thick band coming together to form a round, flat background for the Uchiha crest; a white and red fan. Naruko squinted; wouldn't this be a… crest ring? And didn't crest rings usually mean…

"No!" Naruko jumped back, recoiling in shock.

"Please take it as a sign of everlasting devotion from Lord Sasuke!" Lee exclaimed, pushing the ring towards her. Naruko shook her head, backing up against the door. She looked around for an escape, but the man was closing in fast.

"Please! At least try it on!" Lee insisted, his eyes wide and imploring. Realising that there was no way she could escape the man and his brilliantly sparkling aura (no doubt created by his dazzling teeth), Naruko finally nodded in defeat.

In a flash, Lee had pounced on the terrified blonde and shoved the snug ring onto her left middle finger. Saluting again, Lee bid his 'fond, youthful farewells' before he turned around and dashed off, practically running down another maid in the process.

Grimacing, Naruko scowled at the innocent ring, which had strangely looked bigger in Lee's hands. Looking closely, Naruko could feel the ancient and new magic for prosperity, health and so on worked into the intricate ring. It was probably worth more than a king's ransom.

She tugged at it, willing it to come off. She frowned when it wouldn't go past her knuckle. Her heart pounded, and a panicky heat flushed her face. She pulled at it harder, and winced when it almost took off her skin.

"No no no no no no!" She shrieked, "This can't be happening! What kind of cliché is this?!"

"What are you on about, Naruko?" The voice turned out to be Tenten. The blonde jumped two feet in the air. Whipping around, she plastered a fake smile on and deftly twisted the ring so the emblem faced inside.

"N-nothing. Just trying to get this black ring off, that's all." Naruko stammered, showing Tenten her fist, keeping the tell tale logo from showing. She broke out into a cold sweat when Tenten looked closer.

"Oh, I see." Tenten smiled, nodding. "I heard butter helps, would you like me to get some?" The doorbell rang. Both maids turned, as the head maid yelled for one of them to get it.

"Uh, I'll get it. You fetch the butter, 'kay?" Naruko suggested, afraid that it might be Lee again. Tenten agreed and left.

Mustering a cheery smile while she had half a mind to punch the living daylights out of the green suited man, Naruko smoothed her buttercup yellow dress (and a small piece of her soul died) and swung open the heavy door with ease.

"Welcome to the Haruno household, how may I help yo-AAAAaaaagghhhhhh!" Naruko _screamed_, staring at Gaara's expressionless face. One non-existent eyebrow was raised over a viridian eye.

"What's wrong?" Came the head maid's deep, booming voice, though thankfully still from the kitchen.

"N-n-nothing!" Naruko called back, spluttering, "J-just saw a raccoon that's all!"

Gaara glowered at him. Gaara was Naruto's most loyal… well, Naruto had never known what to classify Gaara as. A bodyguard, advisor, friend, and sometimes, as his teacher Jiraiya often joked (to Gaara's great displeasure), nanny. Tsunade claimed that the dark rings around Gaara's eyes must have come from Naruto-induced stress. What's sad is, she was probably right.

"Naru-" Gaara began, his voice icy and menacingly low. Naruko slammed the door in his face. She breathed hard, wondering if the redhead had some sort of homing beacon or GPS on her.

The doorbell rang again. If doorbells could ring angrily, this one was furious.

"NARUKO!" The old maid hollered.

"ALRIGHT!" Naruko screamed right back, already high-strung. She opened the door cautiously, peeking out. The door inched open s-l-o-w-l-y, until only her face could be seen.

"Go away!" She hissed, cerulean eyes darting back and forth, searching for eavesdroppers. Gaara's eyes narrowed three millimetres. Naruko gulped silently; not good.

"No." Was his flat reply. Naruko suppressed the shiver that crawled up her spine at his minus zero voice.

"I mean it. I'm undercover right now! Shoo!" She insisted (on digging her own grave, that is), making shooing motions with her hand as if he really was a raccoon.

Gaara's pale hand snapped out and caught her wrist, his eyes, along with Naruko's travelling down to stare at the Uchiha crest ring, glinting at them happily under the sun. The redhead's eyes narrowed further into dangerous slits, his eyebrows (or lack thereof) turning into one ferocious scowl. Naruko winced, because even though the pressure on her wrist didn't change a fraction, Gaara's entire being emanated HOMICIDE.

The last time he had looked even half as dangerous was when a group of criminals had tried to assassinate Naruto. They never found the bodies after Gaara was done with them; all that remained were messages begging for mercy scrawled on the wall in blood and nail marks raked into the _stone walls_ of the dungeon.

That was nothing compared to this.

An ominous black aura surrounded the quietly irate man, the cloud overhead turning into a tumultuous stormy dark grey.

Naruko decided to speak up, and perhaps avert the cataclysm. Unfortunately, it was the immortal, classic line:

"It's not what it looks like."

* * *

Reviews are much loved and fully appreciated. I know it feels kind of rushed, but this is a hobby of mine that I write when I need to pent off fluff and corniness and channel some angst and seriousness for Sylvan and neutrality for Paperback Novel. 


	4. Spectacular Retrospection

Mwahaha! I'm back, with a chapter only a day late ::cower:: okay, maybe I shouldn't be so gung ho about it. BUT! I have updated, and we finally get to see a bit of our protagonists' past, and the meaning behind Sasuke's cryptic words:

"_I wonder what he's doing here?" Sasuke mused to himself. "And after so long?"_

Warnings: So slashy you'd think Wolverine and Freddy Kruger had been at it.

Disclaimer: I am going on a ski trip with Cherry Arrow soon. I am not chained to my desk, forced to slave over countless panels of ink and pencil and toner, all for the amusement of the general public. So I am simply Earthborne, a fangirl going on a trip with a friend, and not Masashi Kishimoto. Take that!

* * *

"It's not what it looks like." 

Naruko regretted her words the second she uttered them. The sentence hung in the air, waiting for Naruko to strangle herself with them. Of all the inane things to say, that line went right up there with "Don't be mad" and "She didn't mean anything to me," as one of the greatest clichéd lines ever.

Gaara seemed to have missed the joke, however, and his jade green eyes flickered from the gorgeous ring to Naruto's even more stunning blue eyes.

"Then what does it look like?" His voice was lower than normal, his lips pressed so thinly together it was simply a line. The sound more or less reverberated through the air. Naruko wondered if Gaara knew ventriloquism.

Naruko opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it again in the extremely accurate description of a goldfish, popping eyes included. She finally closed her mouth with a click and wondered how indeed, was she to explain the situation to be something other than what was so blatantly obvious? She hurried to think of a solution before Gaara did some massive collateral damage.

Apparently Gaara didn't like to wait. "You go missing for a week, throw the country into an uproar, and end up on foreign soil. I track you down and find out that not only are you working as a maid, you are somehow betrothed to the lord of the rival country?"

Naruko got on the defensive. "They're not _really_ rivals, you know, we have treaties with them and everything!"

"They are looking for any and all excuse to seize our lands and you know it." Gaara snapped, and let go of her hand. Naruko took it back and tapped her chin with a perfectly manicured and pinkly polished finger. Gaara, who was more or less born without the fear gene, shuddered.

"Well, you know, that's what I've been trying to do! Get some super secret reconnaissance done, and maybe if I observe Sasuke bastard a bit more, I can find out what he really wants!" Naruko said brightly. Gaara took her hand again, and glanced at the ring.

"You call this observing?" Gaara said dryly, and Naruko blushed. "According to what I've just seen, I think the only thing he wants right now is _you_." Naruko snatched her hand back.

"Man, you're not helping things here!" She groused, and mock-glared at him. Gaara's lips twitched so very slightly.

"Does he know you're Naruto?" Gaara asked.

"I don't think so. It's not everyday you find a prince turning into a girl. He has no idea!" Naruko chuckled evilly.

"You skipped history class didn't you?" Gaara deadpanned. Naruko blinked.

"Eh?" Was the prince (ss)'s oh so eloquent answer.

"The descendants of the Uchiha blood have special abilities that allow them to see through old and new magic." Gaara recited, and all the rosy hues drained from Naruto's face until she was as starchy as paper. She leaned forward and grabbed Gaara's shoulders.

"Say it ain't so!" She shrieked, and attempted to shake him back and forth. But Gaara was as still as a boulder and Naruko got about the same reaction as one. "Argh!" The girl screamed, and hopped up and down. "Why the hell would he try to molest me if he knew I was a guy?"

If it had been anyone other than Gaara, they would have found the scene entirely too hilarious. But since it was Gaara, and his charge was Naruto, he was not amused. Naruko grabbed at her luscious locks and sat down on the stone steps, and wrote an epitaph in her head. _Uzumaki Naruto. Immoral Cross dresser, Laid at eighteen._ She would have found this funny if she weren't so miserable and terrified.

"Why would he -" she squirmed, "- propose if he's only met me once? Prince of rival country or not, doesn't he care for his own happiness?" Naruko asked, looking up at the stoic Gaara. The red head blinked slowly.

"Have you forgotten?" Came his reply. Naruko blinked and cocked her head questioningly. His eyes narrowed. "Well if you've forgotten I'm not telling you."

Naruko jumped up and latched onto his arm. "Tell me!" She implored, and gave her best puppy dog eyes. Gaara was unmoved. Naruko decided to use a _very_ underhanded trick. She blinked coyly; Gaara almost gagged, but he suppressed the motion and ripped his arm away.

"I'll only tell you one thing." He snapped peevishly, and Naruko grinned. "What Lord Uchiha Sasuke wanted, he got. A decade ago he wanted something so badly, his father had no choice but to try and appease him, and asked your father for help. His majesty refused, and that's when the whole mess started."

Naruko's eyes were shining orbs of wonder. "Wow, what was it that he wanted?" She asked. Gaara shook his head. "I said I would only tell you one part of the situation." Suddenly, the redhead smirked, revealing tiny fangs. "But I suppose you'll figure out the answer to your question soon enough."

XxX

Gaara left the Haruno manor to retire to one of the hotels not long after he scared poor Naruko witless at the front door. For one thing, Gaara showing any emotion besides irritation or anger was astronomical. For him to smirk was just unheard of.

Naruko dragged herself up and pulled her body inside the house, and explained to the head maid that she felt poorly. Taking one look at the pretty blonde's ashen face, the robust woman allowed her the day off.

Naruko, currently Naruto, sat cross-legged on the bed and thought deeply. If Gaara said he could figure it out, then he definitely could. After all, one of the things he was good at was memorising, almost eidetic because he wanted to catalogue every prank he ever played so he wouldn't repeat them.

Okay. Gaara said that Sasuke bastard wanted something really badly a decade ago. What happened ten years ago? Naruto used his fingers as he counted backwards. _Erm, I played that ingenious prank on Ebisu… Jiraiya was on his sixth Icha Icha Paradise book, I found a picture of mom and I… Oh, and dad took me to Konoha for a visit. Hmm… what happened?_

Naruto scratched his head, and flopped onto the soft covers of his bed. _I went outside to play while dad and Lord Fugaku were talking. I remember meeting a really pretty lady in the garden. She was using some kick ass weapons, and she had purple nail polish on too. I remember that cos it was weird; wasn't she afraid that it would chip?_

The prince contemplated deeper. _I ended up somewhere outside the palace because I crawled through a hole in the wall. I was playing in the fields, and a little boy was there as well! He was pretty too, but I knew he was male… Um… we decided to play tag, then hide and seek... I think we sparred? Anyway, we wasted the entire afternoon, until I remembered that I had to return to the palace. I said bye to the boy and ran all the way back. Dad was pretty pissed at me… then we had dinner… Lord Fugaku and Lady Mikoto apologised that their youngest son wasn't there cos Sasuke was feeling ill. Itachi… what did he look like? He sat on the opposite end of the table and I could hardly see his face._

_We left the next morning… and I saw that boy again, just before the ship left. He was waving and shouting something I couldn't hear. I waved back… and then we were gone._

Naruto finished the memory, and frowned. Ten years ago he didn't even _know_ Sasuke, how the hell could he figure out what it was the bastard wanted? Naruto began pacing around his room. He brought his left hand up to scratch his chin, and then remembered the ring. He glanced down; the ring, which had fitted snugly against Naruko's thin, tapered fingers, was still comfortable against his larger fingers. Naruto scowled; the damn ring was spelled to fit whoever was wearing it. The teen half-heartedly tried to wrench it off, but again, his labour bore no fruit.

_Ten years ago…_ He thought, putting the spell back on and rummaging in the drawers for gloves. The lunch bell rang, and Naruko exited her room and walked down the stairs absently.

_Ten years ago…_ The mantra continued in her head as she ate her lunch, often missing her mouth and ending up with a forkful of food on her chin or cheek, or even more dangerously, near her eye. She excused herself when she finished, and wandered back upstairs.

_Ten years ago…_ Naruko sat on the edge of her bed. _Ten years ago I met a boy… a dark haired, dark eyed boy… that night, Sasuke was ill and he didn't come to dinner. The mysterious boy and I were sparring… it was a draw, and we were both pretty beat up; he had a bloody nose, and I had a split lip… Sasuke was ill… SASUKE WAS ILL! OH MY GOD!_

"EUREKA!" Naruko screamed, and leapt off her bed.

XxX

A blonde and yellow blur flashed through Konoha, and people were almost run over. Finally, Naruko skidded to a stop in front of Kakashi's house. She pounded so hard on the door that some dust floated down.

A harassed sounding voice came through. "Wait please! Ah!" Naruko suddenly stopped her chaotic train of thought. That sounded like…

Iruka opened the door, his pants askew and his shirt at least two sizes too big. "Your highness!" He gasped, before bowing down hurriedly; he snatched his pants up when they started sliding.

"Where's my dolphin swimming to?" Came Kakashi's singsong voice. Naruko's train of thought – derailed.

"Oh hello Naruko." Kakashi said casually, shamelessly half naked, wearing only light grey pants. The mask was off, revealing a startlingly handsome face.

"Er. Hi." She said, and blinked. Iruka straightened from his bow.

"Your highness! We weren't expecting you and -" Iruka suddenly squawked. Kakashi jerked his hand back and acted very innocent.

"Can we help you?" The silver haired ex-guard asked a chuckling Naruko. She sobered instantly.

"I was wondering… if you had any pictures of a young Sasuke?" She inquired, trying to sound casual. Kakashi blinked, and thought for a moment.

"Yes, I think I do. A few of that troublesome little tyke." Kakashi waved her in. Iruka blushed before he excused himself and ran back to change. Kakashi wasn't as bothered; he went to a bookcase and began skimming the titles with his fingers. Naruko sat on the edge of a chair; she needed to know for sure, for sure that her deduction was right. She fidgeted in her seat.

"Ah ha! Here we go." Kakashi said, then extracted a heavy tome from the bookcase. He rubbed off the dust and handed it to Naruko, while Iruka, properly dressed, came in as well.

Naruko flipped through the album, mostly of Kakashi and his old comrades, the palace, some nobles doing undignified things like sleeping during a meeting or picking their nose when they thought no one was looking. And finally, she came to one of the royal family, plus Kakashi and two other guards, posing for the camera.

She recognised Lord Fugaku, and Lady Mikoto. Beside Mikoto was an expressionless youth… Naruko's eyes widened. _Wasn't that -!_ She choked horribly.

"Is that Itachi?" she asked in a high, strained voice. Kakashi peered over her shoulder.

"Why yes. He went quite insane a while back. Rotten fruit, I'd say." Naruko felt like fainting; she'd thought that Itachi was a girl. The pretty girl she'd met that day in the garden. Naruko swallowed past the lump in her throat, and her gaze was drawn to the shortest of the group, sitting on a small chair and grinning at the camera.

Young Sasuke, with dark hair and dark eyes, pale skin. Exactly like the boy Naruto had sparred with, all those years ago.

Naruko keeled over in her chair.

* * *

HAHA! Sort of a cliffhanger! Meh, I love doing this. And a note on the Chapter titles: 

Chapter One: 'Toothsome Chicanery' means 'Delightful Deception'  
Chapter Two: 'Verity of the Fantasy' means 'Truth of the Illusion'  
Chapter Three: 'Portentous Confrere' means 'Dangerous Friend'  
Chapter Four: 'Spectacular Retrospection' means 'Shocking Remembrance'

Reviews are LOVED and APPRECIATED. Will update after ski trip. Maybe. ::cough::

Cheers!


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